The first chords of the piano played, and I instantly recognized the song, “I Am Who You Say I Am.” My heart lurched, and tears quickly spilled from my eyes. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be there, considering how tired I was on a Friday night, yet I instantly knew this is where God wanted me to be. You see, less than 24 hours before those first chords were played, I had spent a good amount of time on the phone with the worship leader who would be playing music at the speaking event I have in Breckenridge in November. We had been throwing around ideas for songs, and the only definitive one was “I Am Who You Say I Am.”
The Holy Spirit had been strongly moving in my heart for days, so I knew it would be an emotional experience. The rest of the worship was powerful, and the teaching challenged and enriched me. I went home exhausted.
The morning worship picked up right where the evening had left off, and I felt the Spirit even stronger than the night before. Tears flowed now, and before I knew what was happening, I was full-on sobbing. I walked away from the main worship area to find a quiet corner where I could sit. I laid my head in my hands, and let go of all the things I had been holding deep inside…
The pain of losing my dad.
The hurt of taking my precious dog to the vet to be put down.
The stress of school starting.
The uncertainty of knowing how best to help my newly widowed mom.
And all the while knowing Jesus wanted me to surrender more of my life to Him.
Through the course of the weekend, one thing became VERY clear to me…Jesus wants even more of me. He wants my heart to be in a position of surrender.
I’m excited and scared all at once.
When I’ve felt this way before, God has moved in big ways. It happened when he first prompted me to start sharing my writing with others. It happened when I wrote the prayer journal. It happened when He put my heart in a place of submission to serve at church.
So here I sit on the precipice of something big….I just don’t know what it is yet. But I DO know that God always speaks to me through music, and the lyrics this weekend…
So I yield to you and to your careful hand
When I trust you I don’t need to understand
Make me your vessel
Make me an offering
Make me whatever you want me to be
I came here with nothing, but all you have given me
Jesus, bring new wine out of me.
Will you pray for me? I want nothing more to hear and obey. And will you pray for a hedge of protection around me and my family? I know how the devil works. Whatever God is doing in my life the devil doesn’t want.
I am so thankful for each and every one of you. Please know that I pray for you all the time!